INTERVIEW

“HR Supremo?” Vijay called.
“Yes”, I answered.
“We need you to do something”
I sighed. It’s one thing to come up with a fancy sounding title and force people to address you by that, and it’s another matter altogether when they expect you to DO something.
“What is it Vijay?”
“Our interns are coming in tomorrow for an interview and we need you to sit in the panel.”
I blinked owlishly and my palms started sweating instantly.
“Huh? But, why?”
“Because you’re the HR ‘Supremo’ of SYNAMEN.”
I didn’t care too much for the obvious vocal quotes he dressed ‘Supremo’ with.
Wish my ego hadn’t galloped off on its own when Shreeram had asked me to take care of the HR Department. See? Now I was expected to DO something.
“What do I wear?”
Vijay wasn’t expecting this question I think.
“I mean, do I have to wear a saree or something?” I clarified.
To his credit, he kept his face neutral.
I’ve noticed that men don’t expect questions like this and when confronted with one, they immediately start imitating a statue.
Maybe I should have asked about the interview questions – but at that time, those seemed to be the least of my worries.
Salwar or Saree were the most pressing concern.
I’m like that only.

The next day, clad in a Salwar, I accompany Koman and Vijay to the office upstairs.
The interns have just finished their written test and Vijay is brandishing the rolled-up answer sheets like an Excalibur, as he talks to Koman.
I’m thankful they are involved in serious, technical, man-talk, because that means I can hyperventilate in private.
Thoughts like, ‘Do I smile or frown?’, ‘Do I pretend to take notes?’, ‘Do I speak in English or Tamil?’ and ‘What if an intern asks me something and I don’t know how to answer?’ keep flitting around in my mind.
I’m working myself up to a state where I think I’m going to vomit, when Vijay announces that we’re ready for our first candidate.
Oh help!
The lad enters and Koman and Vijay both turn around to look at me.
Huh?
‘What?’ I ask them telepathically.
They continue to look at me.
Obviously ESP is NOT one of their gifts.
I’m so worked-up, I want to run to the loo and throw-up in peace.
“This is Edel, our HR Head”, Vijay introduces me and nods encouragingly.
I flash – what I desperately hope is a terrifically competent smile - at the intern. “Where are you from?”
He answers.
“Which College are you from?”
He answers.
(‘Oh Lord! I’m running out of questions to ask!’)
“Which is your native place?”
He answers.
(‘Obviously NOT a chatty intern’ I think waspishly)
“Is this your first trip to Chennai?”
He answers.
(‘Sheesh boy! A little help here, please!’)
“Where are you staying?”
He answers.
Koman and Vijay continue to look at me asking inane questions.
Suddenly inspiration strikes.
“What are your hobbies?”
He answers in a couple of words this time.
Huh? That’s IT?
My mind runs dry.
I look intelligently at Vijay and Koman and say, ‘Now they’ll take-over the questioning.”
PHEW!
What follows sounds a lot like Alien-speak to me and I start playing little games to keep myself occupied.
Like, if I squint, Intern becomes ‘Blurry Intern’ or ‘Blurtern’.
If I close one eye and then the next, in quick succession, Vijay and Koman overlap and separate.
I crack my toe knuckles.
I glance at my reflection furtively on the glass of the door and mentally work out various hair-styles.
Mostly I try and stay awake.

Candidate Number 2 enters.
Koman and Vijay look at me.
“Where are you from?” I ask immediately.
To their credit, they don’t groan out loud.

WHY A MEDICAL DEGREE CAN BE CONFUSING IN A WEB-SOLUTIONS FIRM

Virus A

A’s lap-top is infected with a pornographic virus, with decidedly homophilic inclinations.
CS is fixing the problem and is trying to fit into the small crawl-space that passes for our booth. He asks me to move my lap-top aside and I misunderstand.
“My lap-top can get infected with the virus if I keep it close to hers?” I ask, and it actually takes CS 5 minutes to un-freeze from shock.


Virus B – Part 1

This time my lap-top’s infected.
Of course I make a Greek tragedy of it.
CS and Vijay are working on fixing it while I hover around them, hoping to be of some use.
“See? Do you see that CS? That worm keeps on running forever before my lappy officially opens. See? Huh? What?” I ask confused.
CS and Vijay both have studied-neutral looks on their faces.
“It’s called the ‘Progress Bar’ Edel”, Vijay informs me in a tone one reserves for children with special-needs.


Virus B – Part 2

“How come my computer got infected CS? I don’t watch porn!” … my logic, of course, being - promiscuous behavior = viral infection (See? This is how I’m trained to think)
Shreeram laughs from his end. Vijay joins in and Chucks puts in her ha’penny’s worth, “You are such a blonde Edel!”
Ho ho ho. Ha ha ha.
And I still don’t understand how these Viruses got in! Grrrrrrrr.


Virus B – Part 3

“Why didn’t you quarantine the viruses Edel?” CS asks me.
Vijay’s quivering with unexpressed mirth … like he can’t wait to hear my answer.
I decide to get as technical as possible, so I don’t appear completely clueless.
“The computer told me that my system will crash if I force-cleaned it. So I figured, if I quarantine the viruses, maybe that part of my computer will – you know – become gangrenous or something, and die.”
Shreeram started laughing first.


Virus B – Part 4

“Hey Vijay! Can you like stuff my lap-top full of anti-virus (Medicine? Prophylactics?) … er … thingys? That way, it’ll never get infected like this again!”
I’m thinking, ‘There’s no way he can make fun of this statement’, when Vijay cracks-up.
“You can only have one Anti-virus program running in a computer Edel. Just make sure to update regularly.”

WHY I AM AWESOME AND SYNAMEN IS LUCKY TO HAVE ME – Part Deux

I’d heard quite a bit about her from my sister.
That she loves movies as much as I do and can talk movies all day long.
I thought, ‘I like her already.’
We exchanged a couple of e-mails, we talked briefly on the phone and I met her for the first time in BBQ Nation, December 2008.

The next time I saw her was during the Women’s Film Festival, first week of March this year, in Sathyam Cinemas.
Dork that I am, I was watching the films and documentaries with a note-book in hand – taking the occasional notes. Archana called me and told me that she was running late and when she did finally walk in, I hid my note-book and pen in my ruck-sack …. Who needed an audience for ‘Nerdiness’, right?
We hugged like long-lost friends and ‘Hi’-ed, and settled down to watch a documentary about how difficult life was for single lesbians in Korea.
Then it was time for the iconic Mirch Masala.
Out of the corner of my eye ……….
I saw …………….
Archana …………………
bend down to open her bag and bring a notebook out!!!!!!!
It was A4 size note-book, ruled, front and back.
Wow !
She then proceeded to cover 7 pages with notes while watching the film – never losing track of both!
In the race for Nerdiness – I had just been beaten and HOW!

A month ago, Archana, aka Chucks, calls me and asks me if Sriram was hiring.
I said, “Sure, if you’ll work for free.” (Chuckle Chuckle Guffaw)
She stunned me with a “Sure!”
Blink …. Blink.
A hurried phone call to Sriram and then he calls her and VIOLA! Another woman in the SYNAMEN office, thanks to yours truly.

And that’s why I’m so wonderful.
[Maybe I should ask for a raise :D]

MOON CRACK AND BOYS

I'm packing-up for the day and getting ready to leave the office when CS and Vijay pop-up and ask me a surprising question.

"Edel you know that they've discovered water traces on the moon, right?"

I nodded gravely.

Of course I did.

I don't remember what errand I was to run for my mum on the way home, or what I was doing with my life, but SURE, I knew they've found water on the moon.

"Well, they've exploded a bomb on the moon, to find out if subterranean rocks have water traces on them." CS paused dramatically.

I tried to look impressed.

What is it about explosions and boys anyway? Anything violent and anything that goes BOOM, you'll find them salivating. You ask them an opinion about the shoe you're wearing and they become comatose.

I tried to look impressed.

I just wanted to go pee and leave the office.

"They cracked the moon."

WHAT????

Someone CRACKED the moon?

MY moon?

Just exploded a bomb there and 'cracked' it, like an egg?

I was so stunned I even forgot I had to pee.

CS and Vijay looked terrifically pleased with themselves; like as though they had personally pressed the button that had detonated the bomb on the moon.

I was at a complete loss for words - even inside my head - and if you know me, you'll realize how seldom THAT happens. I kept opening and closing my mouth, my hands clutching my chest, feeling bereaved because someone had cracked my moon.

Finally I spluttered, "Cracked the moon! Like cracking a walnut? Why? Why? Why would anyone do something like that? Did they want to crack it or was that like an accident? Why didn't they just drill a hole and take whatever moon-rock they fancied? How is this going to affect our weather and the tides? Which stupid country is responsible for this outrage?"

But CS was not finished. "You can go out and actually see the crack on the moon."

He imparted this piece of information like he was sharing the juiciest piece of Kollywood gossip.

WHAT!

:o

I can go out and see the crack on my moon?

SEE IT?

Just like that?

I can go outside and look up and I'll see the Moon's new CRACK?

I was outraged! The moral injustice of it all! The gall of these bounders that destroyed our moon - My moon - THE MOON!

Predictably I spluttered something incomprehensible, while CS and Vijay stood about watching - quite amused.

"Why? Why? Why?" I gasped, almost in physical pain by now.

"Because people are going to colonise the moon eventually", CS replied wisely and Vijay nodded even more wisely.

What is this?

A bizarre H. G. Wells inspired nightmare?

Finally it all came out in a torrent."How stupid and irresponsible are we, that we would leave a perfectly good planet with plenty of space to spare, to go and colonise a satellite that has neither the atmosphere or the resources to sustain life, when there's TONS of work to do right here!!!! There's this piddly little detail about the holes in the Ozone layer. Or how about starving children? Or even cholera? Why not fix this rubbish instead of flying off to somewhere else to form an artificial biosphere? Do these intelligent idiots even consider the minor detail about cost and effort????? They'll have to transport EVERYTHING to the moon! They'll have to transport water there in space ships and they have bring back their poop - in poopy space-ships!"

I was shrieking now and getting terrifically dramatic - my arms flying about the place and scrunching up my face to illustrate what I thought of poopy space-ships.

CS and Vijay cracked-up laughing.

I stopped my tirade to look at them blankly.

"Nothing nothing. You keep on talking", Vijay gasped and they roared with laughter.

BOYS!

SYNAMEN

It was one of those days when time drags its feet, the air is heavy with routine and you feel like you’re swimming against a tide of molasses.
Or …. You could say I was sleepy and be done with it.
Was Facebooking [big surprise that!] when there was a sound that can only be compared to someone going to town with a sledge hammer in a tin factory.
Sriram enters the room and catches me whiling my time away. He raises his eye-brows at me and I’m like, ‘Boss! Give me a break! How many times are you going to be shocked about my work ‘ethics’ – in that, I have none?’
I make a mental note to myself that I will practice the art of closing my Facebook and Gtalk pages on time whenever there’s authority nearby, when Sriram beckons me to follow him to his office upstairs.
I will call it ‘the walk of shame’ henceforth in my blog-posts, and you guys will understand what it means.
[Glossary: Walk of Shame – The short walk up the stairs to the Boss’s office after being caught wasting time]

“Do you know the meaning of the word ‘Synamen’, Edel?”
“It’s the name of the office and sounds like cinnamon” …. Seriously, was he trying to spook me with the whole Al Pachino’s, Michael Corleone routine? “Do you know the meaning of the word ‘Respect’, Edel?” and then POW … extra hole in the head L
“It’s really an interesting story”, he smiled a little vaguely, while spraying the room with Old Spice, ignoring my intelligent reply.
“We were trying to come up with a name that reflected our credo, that when like-minded people get together to work towards a common goal, they create miracles. Synergy between men creates magic.”
Sriram looked through me into far away as he continued.
“And it sounds like cinnamon. You’re right. When people get together, there’s a mix of flavors and when we’re all trying to achieve something bigger than us … we create a brotherhood of warm relationships. And Spices do that to food. Add flavor and warmth and make an otherwise ordinary dish – memorable and extraordinary.”
Wow
So that’s the story behind our name.
Synergy between men. Synamen. Relationships and unique flavors. Cinnamon. Synamen.
I had to smile.
What a lovely play with words!!!

Er ….. What about women? ;)

PROHIVE

Seriously, this is the most exciting concept I’ve heard.
And I’m PROUD to be associated with it.
Go SYNAMEN!!!!!!


Have you heard of that old story – it could be true or it could be a fable. But this is how it goes …..
Christopher Columbus was at a dinner hosted by the King and Queen of Spain, in honor of his discovery of the ‘Indies’.
There was a table full of aristocrats and Europe’s elite.
And they were belittling this great explorer’s achievement. Subtly of course and with great political correctness.
“Anyone could have done what Columbus has done”, they said with generous smiles.
“It just happened that it was him. I mean I could have done it too … had I thought of it.”
“What’s the big fuss about a spot of sailing and planting a flag on a shore?”
And so they talked and so Columbus kept his peace.
Then the great explorer said, “Ladies and gentlemen. I have a wager. I challenge any one of you fine folk to make this egg stand on one end - without support - and I will publicly declare that I am no hero.”
The Bourgeois scrambled to prove that they were the better.
And they all failed.
Finally, the loudest of the lot declared that this was an impossible task and collectively declared their defeat.

Columbus took the egg from the man, crushed it a little on one end and made the egg stand.
The room fell silent.



Every time I work on PROHIVE, I’m reminded of this story.
For PROHIVE is simplicity itself.
There was a need. My Bosses recognized it, have worked-out how to address this need and are now working feverishly towards launching a Portal that could very well revolutionize the way you and I do business over the net.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I take Great Pride in welcoming you all into the world of PROHIVE.

CHENNAI HEAT '09

Hello everyone,
SYNAMEN is proud to be associated with www.chennaiheat.com, the ONLY site where you can get all the info you need, about the hottest and coolest game to hit our shores in the recent past.
So visit the site and check out the biggest, baddest game of the year this weekend [2nd, 3rd and 4th October Elliot's Beach, Beasant Nagar] and you'll thank us for getting you started on your addiction.

Cheers,
Team Synamen